This is how it felt this morning when i read about the death of Kristian Gidlund, an almost 30 years old guy that went through a lot. It seems that he reached the heart of a lot of people through his texts in his blogg, his book and the radio speech he made this summer. He wrote with a wonderful poetry about hard things. His story is the one story of life: unfair.
I don't know him in any way but his words put back some old feelings in my head, the one that came to me 15 years ago when cancer made entry in our family. Unfair, that was how it felt then. Why should this word that only was on TV come and take our lifes over? For us, it turned out well, but for the unexperienced 16 years old that i was, it was a terrible kick in the ass. And you knwo what? It made me realize that if you don't take the chance to live by yourself so far you get the opportunity, no one will gave it to you. It's up to you to make what you want of your life and when you are like Kristian, glued in a bed without any power, it may feel really unfair.
The beautiful thing with his texts is that he did not focused on his own pain, but on things that we can change. We can make the world better, we can live our lives how we wish. We that stand on our two feet have so much more open doors that what we think. It's up to us to be nice to other people, to help, to be happy, to climb the Kilimanjaro, to learn spanish, to sleep a little more every morning, to quit your job, to paint a horse, to love with someone, to drink a good wine, to call a friend, to take a long run in the rain, to give some of your time to a homeless, to smile to people you meet without reason, to borrow tons of books at the library, to sing loud in your car, to travel to New York, to raise your kids with respect, to paddle the longest river of Europe, to feel asleep with a smile on your lips. This is up to us to focus on the things that matter. You will not get any sign when life will turn unfair, so make everything that you can to live how you want it.
Oh what i am longing to M. Oh what i want to take him in my arms and tell him i love him.
RIP Kristian and thank you for the reminder. Everything is still possible and i will do my best.